Montag, 12. Februar 2007

Out of the Dark...

Mood: distressed
Listening to: Falco - Out of the Dark
Weather: cold and rainy
Drinking: Coke
Eating: Chinese Instant Food


Well, here I am again and write about my crappy life.
Actually, I shouldn't write in my blog, but learn for the exam I will have to pass tomorrow. But somehow I can't concentrate on the letters in front of me, just like yesterday evening, when I couldn't fall asleep, even though I was tired as hell.
School sucks so much at the moment, I can't describe it.
I have the feeling of beeing in a crowded room, full of people, but somehow I'm still alone. I want to cry, but no sound comes out of my mouth...
It's terrible.

And I have so many thoughts in my head...thoughts I can't describe and I have no one to talk about around here.
Do you know the feeling that you know a person? "Yeah, for sure!" That's what you might have said now, but it's not what I mean.
I mean that you think you know a person you've never actually seen before, only on some pictures, maybe in a film, maybe when he or she was crossing your way in town, a totally stranger to you. Someone you've never met or talked to.
A person that maybe might be far away from you, maybe someone who's already dead or even lived in an completely different time, who knows?
But you just see his or her eyes on a photo and you have the feeling to know this person., to recognize his face, to remeber the look in his eyes somehow, you think you've heard the sound of his voice so many times before....
But you can't tell why.
Like I said, it's hard to explain and think that I'll never find the right words to do.
Sometimes it's even the feeling of missing this person, but I know that I'll never meet him, because it's not possible anymore.

Well, before this is all getting too weird, I should better stop now.
But somehow I want to talk about this, but I don't know who to tell or even what to say.
It's a terrible feeling that hurts deep inside me and sometimes I just have the feeling to cry this all out, to cry one tear after another, the whole night long.
Just now I feel the tears growing in my eyes and I don't even know why it's happening.
And this feeling of loneliness kills me somehow.
It changes between beeing totally numb and feeling all the pain that came to me during the last few months and years.
I'm just waiting for what the future will bring, what else can i do? It can only get better, I suppose.
But still, after all, I know that at least one feeling won't go away, whatever I'll do...

I don't know how to explain the following sentences, and maybe it doesn't even make sence that I write this down here, cause the person who's supposed to read this will never do that, I know that for sure.
But I just want to write this down, maybe it's possible somehow...I don't know...
I just want to say: I miss you and I fell that I knew you once, even if I don't know why, please believe me!

And to my readers (if I have any):
Sorry for writing this confusing and depressing stuff. I'm really sorry. I hope my upcoming posts will be a bit happier again (lately in June, when I finally passed my final exams and I have a lot more time, I promise!)
But thank you for reading till the end!

I luv ye all!
Yours,
Becky

Kommentare:

Mo hat gesagt…

Hey Elleth,

um dir die peinlichkeit meines miueserablen englisches zu ersparen antowrte ich auf deutsch.

Fühl dich einfach mal fest gedrückt.
Bei dem von dir beschriebenen Problem kann ich dir nicht wirklich helfen, da ich dieses Gefühl von dem du schreibst nicht kenne.
Wenn ich dir helfen kann, sei es Reikibeandlungen oder ähnliches, oder du einen Talisman haben möchtest der das lernen unterstüzt, sage bescheid und ich werde dir einen machen.

ganz liebe Grüße
Mo

Elleth hat gesagt…

Oh Mo, Ich danke dir so! (ähm...der Reim war nicht beabsichtigt!>.<)

Okay, nach dem peinlichen Anfang kehren wir besser wieder zurück zu den ernsteren themen *hust*
Hm...vielleicht komm ich einfach nochmal auf das Angebot mit dem Tee zurück, wenn es dir nichts ausmacht, da kann amn sich dann mal in Ruhe ausquatschen!
Was wäre zum beispiel mit nächster Woche Freitag?

Hab dich lieb,
Becky

Mondfeuer hat gesagt…

Hey süße,
Freitag ist für mich Ok.
Wann würdest du denn kommen wollen?