Montag, 12. Februar 2007

Out of the Dark...

Mood: distressed
Listening to: Falco - Out of the Dark
Weather: cold and rainy
Drinking: Coke
Eating: Chinese Instant Food

Well, here I am again and write about my crappy life.
Actually, I shouldn't write in my blog, but learn for the exam I will have to pass tomorrow. But somehow I can't concentrate on the letters in front of me, just like yesterday evening, when I couldn't fall asleep, even though I was tired as hell.
School sucks so much at the moment, I can't describe it.
I have the feeling of beeing in a crowded room, full of people, but somehow I'm still alone. I want to cry, but no sound comes out of my mouth...
It's terrible.

And I have so many thoughts in my head...thoughts I can't describe and I have no one to talk about around here.
Do you know the feeling that you know a person? "Yeah, for sure!" That's what you might have said now, but it's not what I mean.
I mean that you think you know a person you've never actually seen before, only on some pictures, maybe in a film, maybe when he or she was crossing your way in town, a totally stranger to you. Someone you've never met or talked to.
A person that maybe might be far away from you, maybe someone who's already dead or even lived in an completely different time, who knows?
But you just see his or her eyes on a photo and you have the feeling to know this person., to recognize his face, to remeber the look in his eyes somehow, you think you've heard the sound of his voice so many times before....
But you can't tell why.
Like I said, it's hard to explain and think that I'll never find the right words to do.
Sometimes it's even the feeling of missing this person, but I know that I'll never meet him, because it's not possible anymore.

Well, before this is all getting too weird, I should better stop now.
But somehow I want to talk about this, but I don't know who to tell or even what to say.
It's a terrible feeling that hurts deep inside me and sometimes I just have the feeling to cry this all out, to cry one tear after another, the whole night long.
Just now I feel the tears growing in my eyes and I don't even know why it's happening.
And this feeling of loneliness kills me somehow.
It changes between beeing totally numb and feeling all the pain that came to me during the last few months and years.
I'm just waiting for what the future will bring, what else can i do? It can only get better, I suppose.
But still, after all, I know that at least one feeling won't go away, whatever I'll do...

I don't know how to explain the following sentences, and maybe it doesn't even make sence that I write this down here, cause the person who's supposed to read this will never do that, I know that for sure.
But I just want to write this down, maybe it's possible somehow...I don't know...
I just want to say: I miss you and I fell that I knew you once, even if I don't know why, please believe me!

And to my readers (if I have any):
Sorry for writing this confusing and depressing stuff. I'm really sorry. I hope my upcoming posts will be a bit happier again (lately in June, when I finally passed my final exams and I have a lot more time, I promise!)
But thank you for reading till the end!

I luv ye all!

Mittwoch, 7. Februar 2007


Mood: lazy
Listening to: Falco - Egoist
Weather: cold

Hey, I found a little time today, so i decided to write in my Blog.

Well, what could I tell you?
I'm waiting.
But for what?
Many different things!

Waiting for friday:
Two of my best friends will visit me and stay till saturday.
I'm really looking forward to it, cause I don't see them that often, cuase they live in Overath, near Cologne and it's always a little adventure (and a lot of money for me) to go there.
Well, I think there's a lot to tell.

Still waiting for friday:
May favorite "Pub-Band" R'Jac is playing at the Pógs on friday night, the entry is only three Euros and you'll get four hours full of good rock music, lot of fun and really nice people! (Cecilia and Richard are really great, they rock da pub! ;-))

Waiting for Saturday:
Liam has his big apearence on stage in Pont with his Karnevals-group and I really want to see him singing "The Rocky Horror Picture Show!" xD

Waiting for February the 12th:
The birthday of one of my favorite actors, Jesse Spencer. He's 28 then, wow, and he didn't loose a single hair until now! xD (Oh sorry, I'm getting mean! *hehe*)

Waiting for February 15th:
Altweiber! And Sebi, Steffi, Liam and I will go as House and the Ducklings!
Our costumes are finished by now and we'll have a lot of fun on thursday, singing "Bad Case of loving you (Doctor Doctor)" at Karaoke! (And I can drink, I don't have to drive, by the way! Cider!!!!!)

Waiting for February 19th:
Falco would become 50 this year if he would be still alive. But he isn''s really too bad about him.
Since I've seen the Falco-Show last Monday on Kabel 1, I'm listening to his music the whole time.
I always loved it, but sometimes you forget what you heard some years ago and it just needs a little push to remember you.

Waiting for June:
My final exams will be over!!! Yeah!!!!
My last exam will be on May 25th, and after that, I hope that I'll be free!
And I decided to stop smoking after my final exam, after all this stress has gone! (need another cigarette by the way! *laughs*) I hope, that I'll manage that all, I really need the money! *hehe*

Well, that's so far!
Means only two days left till I will have at least a little fun! hehe!

See and love ya all!