Out of the Dark...

Mood: distressed
Listening to: Falco - Out of the Dark
Weather: cold and rainy
Drinking: Coke
Eating: Chinese Instant Food


Well, here I am again and write about my crappy life.
Actually, I shouldn't write in my blog, but learn for the exam I will have to pass tomorrow. But somehow I can't concentrate on the letters in front of me, just like yesterday evening, when I couldn't fall asleep, even though I was tired as hell.
School sucks so much at the moment, I can't describe it.
I have the feeling of beeing in a crowded room, full of people, but somehow I'm still alone. I want to cry, but no sound comes out of my mouth...
It's terrible.

And I have so many thoughts in my head...thoughts I can't describe and I have no one to talk about around here.
Do you know the feeling that you know a person? "Yeah, for sure!" That's what you might have said now, but it's not what I mean.
I mean that you think you know a person you've never actually seen before, only on some pictures, maybe in a film, maybe when he or she was crossing your way in town, a totally stranger to you. Someone you've never met or talked to.
A person that maybe might be far away from you, maybe someone who's already dead or even lived in an completely different time, who knows?
But you just see his or her eyes on a photo and you have the feeling to know this person., to recognize his face, to remeber the look in his eyes somehow, you think you've heard the sound of his voice so many times before....
But you can't tell why.
Like I said, it's hard to explain and think that I'll never find the right words to do.
Sometimes it's even the feeling of missing this person, but I know that I'll never meet him, because it's not possible anymore.

Well, before this is all getting too weird, I should better stop now.
But somehow I want to talk about this, but I don't know who to tell or even what to say.
It's a terrible feeling that hurts deep inside me and sometimes I just have the feeling to cry this all out, to cry one tear after another, the whole night long.
Just now I feel the tears growing in my eyes and I don't even know why it's happening.
And this feeling of loneliness kills me somehow.
It changes between beeing totally numb and feeling all the pain that came to me during the last few months and years.
I'm just waiting for what the future will bring, what else can i do? It can only get better, I suppose.
But still, after all, I know that at least one feeling won't go away, whatever I'll do...

I don't know how to explain the following sentences, and maybe it doesn't even make sence that I write this down here, cause the person who's supposed to read this will never do that, I know that for sure.
But I just want to write this down, maybe it's possible somehow...I don't know...
I just want to say: I miss you and I fell that I knew you once, even if I don't know why, please believe me!

And to my readers (if I have any):
Sorry for writing this confusing and depressing stuff. I'm really sorry. I hope my upcoming posts will be a bit happier again (lately in June, when I finally passed my final exams and I have a lot more time, I promise!)
But thank you for reading till the end!

I luv ye all!
Yours,
Becky

Countdown

Mood: lazy
Listening to: Falco - Egoist
Weather: cold

Hey, I found a little time today, so i decided to write in my Blog.

Well, what could I tell you?
I'm waiting.
Waiting?
Yeah!
But for what?
Many different things!

Waiting for friday:
Two of my best friends will visit me and stay till saturday.
I'm really looking forward to it, cause I don't see them that often, cuase they live in Overath, near Cologne and it's always a little adventure (and a lot of money for me) to go there.
Well, I think there's a lot to tell.

Still waiting for friday:
May favorite "Pub-Band" R'Jac is playing at the Pógs on friday night, the entry is only three Euros and you'll get four hours full of good rock music, lot of fun and really nice people! (Cecilia and Richard are really great, they rock da pub! ;-))

Waiting for Saturday:
Liam has his big apearence on stage in Pont with his Karnevals-group and I really want to see him singing "The Rocky Horror Picture Show!" xD

Waiting for February the 12th:
The birthday of one of my favorite actors, Jesse Spencer. He's 28 then, wow, and he didn't loose a single hair until now! xD (Oh sorry, I'm getting mean! *hehe*)

Waiting for February 15th:
Altweiber! And Sebi, Steffi, Liam and I will go as House and the Ducklings!
Our costumes are finished by now and we'll have a lot of fun on thursday, singing "Bad Case of loving you (Doctor Doctor)" at Karaoke! (And I can drink, I don't have to drive, by the way! Cider!!!!!)

Waiting for February 19th:
Falco would become 50 this year if he would be still alive. But he isn't....it's really too bad about him.
Since I've seen the Falco-Show last Monday on Kabel 1, I'm listening to his music the whole time.
I always loved it, but sometimes you forget what you heard some years ago and it just needs a little push to remember you.

Waiting for June:
My final exams will be over!!! Yeah!!!!
My last exam will be on May 25th, and after that, I hope that I'll be free!
And I decided to stop smoking after my final exam, after all this stress has gone! (need another cigarette by the way! *laughs*) I hope, that I'll manage that all, I really need the money! *hehe*
----

Well, that's so far!
Means only two days left till I will have at least a little fun! hehe!

See and love ya all!
yours,
Becky

X-mas and other catastrophes

Mood: depressed
Listening to: Monrose - Even heaven cries
Eating: nothing, but I'm hungry
Drinking: nothing
Weather: cold and dark (It's late already)

Well, what a christmas...I wish it would already be over...
It started quite good, I have to admit.
I mean, I wasn't in a christmas mood after all, but maybe that was because of the weather?

I'm celebrating christmas with my family every year. Normaly, my grandparents visit us and we have a nice evening together.
But this year the first change was that my aunt and her new husband (since friday!) and my cousin would come, too.
Okay, no problem, I like my aunt, her husband and Jenny, their daughter. She is my only older cousin (22), so there's no problem about finding things to talk about.

I was a bit sad, because I already knew what my presents were, because I ordered them by myself on amazon (House MD - The first Season in German and The Medical Science of House MD, a book written by Andrew Holtz). WEll, that was, what I thought...

I wrote some christmas sms to good freinds of mine and I got some back from most of them. (one didn't answer...that was a thing that really disappointed me, beaucse I'd never thought that she wouldn't answer...well not a problem of mine... Anymore!)

But I got a strange feeling the whole evening... I didn't wanted to be there with my parents, with my family...
Sounds strange, I know, but I wanted to be with my best friends, Sheerie, Adeline and Tine.
I'd never thought that I could miss some people so much that I've only met a few times.
I wrote some messages with them, and I heard that they shared my feeling...
So that was one reason why I was so sad this evening... I missed the most important persons in my life...
that was definetly the major reason for my mood, but not the only one.

The giving out of christmas presents was fun, that's true! I bought the right presents for my parents and grandparents and I got a lot more than I expected! Beside a lot of money (yeeaas!!!) I got of course the DVDs and the Book, but I also got the Book "Jekyll and Hide" and "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown, what I already read in german (It's called "Illuminati" here). Furthermore I got five blank-DVDs, new mats for my car (veeery funny) aaaaand for the best of all: a car radio! That wa sreally a spurise and I didn't know what to say! Now my only problem is how to assemble it into my car! *lol*

the evening went on, but with that feeling of beeing out of place the whole evening, I couldn't really enjoy it.
The final point when I just wanted to vanish somewhere was when they started talking about my grandaunt, which died last August.
After just a few minutes everybody was crying, yelling at each other and arguing because of too old storys that happened before I was even born...

I just wanted to be away from there, just wanted to be with my friends, in arms that hold me warm and tight, to feel safe again...
But nothing happened, exept for the fact that after twi hours(!) after starting that discussion, my grandparent left and the others calmed down a bit...

Well, really a great christmas party, we had... today was quite okay, I have to admit...but wait and see what happens tomorrow....
I hope your christmas was a lot better than mine...

New Haircut

mood: horny (not really, but I love that icon!^^)
Listening to: nothing
drinking: Coke
eating: nothing
Weather: cold

I went to a hairdresser yesterday, because i needed a new haircut.
Actually I didn't really needed one, but I wanted to cut my hair, because there were still some were light highlights in it, that I wanted to get off.
Well, i won't say many words, here is the picture of my new haircut:

Karaoke in Meerbusch

Mood: hyper
Listening to: Jesse Spencer - Sheets of Egyptian Cotton
Drinking: coke (as always)
Eating: nothing, I'm smoking! But I'm hungry!
Weather: dark and rainy...as always!


Here are some Karaoke-Pic of last frieday, taken in Meerbusch!
There were very less people, so we had a lot of time to sing, and I think we managed to do a lot!
Let me think about it!
Steffie and I sang The Shoop Shoop Songy by Cher (again), Ich lebe - Christina Stürmer, Fuck her gently - tenacious D,
Sebi and Liam sang 500 Miles and Lemon Tree by Fools Garden!
Liam and I sang Jesse - Joshua Kadison and Father and Son - Ronan Keating
Sebi and Steffie tried 1000 mal berührt...
All together we tried to sing I'll be there for you - The Rembrants and You're the one that I want - Grease

And Steffie and I finally tried something that was more than just crazy!
We tried to sing a song all alone for the first time!
She sang Don't let me get me (pink) and I Hallelujah (John cale/Rufus Wainwright/etc)...
And what can I say? We're still alive!^^

But enough of writing, here are the pics!

Steffie und Sebi
Steffie and Sebi"Turning, turning, turning around...""It's in his hair, ehm, kiss!""Su bist der Rausch...und ich will noch mehr ALKOHOL!!!""You don't always have to fuck her hard, in fact sometimes that's not right to do...!""I'll be there for you...!""...and you'll be there for me, too!""1000 mal berührt...!" Ja danke, das wollten wir nicht wissen! >.< "Touched a thousand times...!" Thank you, things we didn't want to know! >.<
"What???""Met a boy, cute as can be...!""Sommer loving happens so faaaaaaaaaaaast...!""Was willst du? Stör mich nicht!"
"What do you want? Don't disturb me!"Der graphische Beweis: ich stand allein auf der Bühne... (die Audioaufnahme wird hoffentlich bald auch folgen!)
Here is the proof as a Picture: I was standing there alone on the stage... (i hope the Audiorecord will follow soon!)
Das war der Punkt an dem ich gedacht habe, meine Beine tragen mich nicht mehr!
That was the moment when I thought that my knees won't go on carrying me...

Ich werde jedenfalls jetzt noch kräftig üben um meinen Gesang zu verbessern, der Applaus am Freitag hat mir gezeigt, dass ich doch nicht so übel bin!
Und wer weiß, vielleicht traue ich mich ja auch mal im Pub ganz alleine zu singen...?

I think I'll go on and train my siniging from now on to make it a lot better, the applause on that frieday showed that I can't be that bad! And who knows, maybe I even try to sing all alone in the Pub, once...?

5Th anniversay

Mood: amused
Listening to: John Cale - hallelujah
Weather: still don't know
Drinking: tea
Eating: nothing, but smoking a cigarette

Zuerst ein Paar Bilder von der Ausstattung! *g* First some Pictures from Inside the Pub:

Im Pub fühlen sich auch Borussen-fans zuhause:
Here do Borussia-Fans feel like home, too:
Wer zur Hölle bestellt sowas in einem Irish Pub???
Who da hell orders such stuff in an Irish Pub???
Rauchen ist immer noch erlaubt!^^
Smoking is still possible in here!^^Das Logo zum geburtstag:
The logo for the anniversary:Do you like Guinness? (nee, ich nicht...)
Do you like Guinness? (no, I don't do...)What time is it?

Gruppenbilder!
Group pictures


Steffie und ich!
Steffie and me!Liam und Steffie
Liam and SteffieSebi und ich
Sebi and meSebi und Steffie^^
Sebi and Steffie!^^
Ich und Vroni
Me and Vroni
Nochmal Sebi und ich! *g*
Sebi and me, again! *g*

Portraits!
Portraits!

Sebi in Denkerpose!^^
Sebi is thinking!^^
Nochmal Ich! (ich seh blass aus, oder?)
me again! (I look pale, don't I?)

Die Besetzung!
The Staff!


Kenny
Vincent
Tom
MandyVroni
Thomas
Gruppenbild mit Kenny, Vince und Tom
Group Picture of Kenny, Vince and Tom
Vroni ist am Grinsen *g*
Vroni giggling! *g* Kenny macht wieder nur Schwachsinn!^^
Kenny is doing crap as always! ^^Hab ich's nicht gesagt?
What did I say?
Vince posiert auch mal für die Kamera
Vince is posing for the camera, tooKein kommentar!
No comment!

Wie man sehen kann, war es ein wirklich lustiger Abend den wir sehr genossen haben!^^
As you can see, it was a very funny evening and we really enjoyed it!^^

Pictures of the last two Thursdays

Mood: cheerful
Listening to: Rick Springfield - Jesse's Girl
Weather: don't really know...it's dark anyway
Eating: Joghurt
Drinking: Tea

Hier sind die Bilder, zuerst die vom 30. November, Karaoke im Pógs, wie immer:
Here are the pictures, first of November the 30th, Karaoke at the Pógs, as always:

Steffie und ich...was haben wir nochmal gesungen? Keine Ahnung...aber bitte besonderes Augenmerk auf meine Krawatte, die ist cool, ja?^^

Steffie and me...what were we singing? No idea...but please notice my tie, that's pretty cool!^^

Ich singe mit Eugen (links) und Wilson "Wonderwall"!
Singing "Wonderwall with Eugen (left) and Wilson!

-----------

Und jetzt die BIlder von letztem Donnerstag:
And now the pictures of last thursday:

Steffie und ich singen "daylight in your eyes" udn versuchen einen kleinen Tanz *g*

Steffie and I singing "Daylight in your eyes" and we tried a little dance! *g*Fans hatten wir auch! ^^
We had some Fans, too ^^Wir haben uns dann gerächt, als Sebi und Liam "500 Miles" gesungen haben! *hehe*
Our revenge was when Liam and Sebi sang "500 miles"! *hehe*

Ein kleines Tänzchen mit Luke!^^
Having a little dance with Luke!^^
Wir singen mit Wilson, Liam und Sebi "You're the one that i want" aus Grease! hier mal unsere schmucken Kerle! *g*
We are singing "You're the one that I want" from Grease with Wilson, Liam and Sebi! First our cute guys! *g*Und alle zusammen, von links nach rechts: Steffie, ich, Wilson, Liam (ws macht er da??) und Sebi
And here we are all together, from left to right: Steffie, myself, Wilson, Liam (What the heck is he doing there??) and Sebi